If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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