I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
