we made out on top of his cat.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
