ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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