Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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