Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he thought i was a dude.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
