Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
