that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
