Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
