The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
