And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
