Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
