he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
