We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
