from now on my penis is your penis
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
