DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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