I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I deserve this hangover.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
