Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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