can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
