maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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