your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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