u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I need to stop coming to work sober
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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