I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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