Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
