dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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