I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
