i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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