Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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