god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
