i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
