Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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