New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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