theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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