I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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