I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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