I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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