Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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