I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
