My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
