I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
