i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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