when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
