Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i now understand why vodka
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
