I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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