She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
