So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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