dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i think my cat just said my name.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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