I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
