Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
