They should really pass out barf bags in church
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
