If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize