..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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