I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
zippers are such a cool invention
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
