If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize