I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
