fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
