Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
