the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
