I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
