It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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