She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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