hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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