Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
