Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
