I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
