Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize