so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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