i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
