The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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