there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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