I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need a beard to bite.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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