I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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