biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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