Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
