So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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