At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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