I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
