Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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